Trois Pistoles

I think everyone about to undergo a drastic change of lifestyle will experience about the same process of emotion over time. As a kid I moved all over the US and got kind of used to it, making friends, picking up and moving across the country, making new ones. I think at first there is a denial, like in alcoholics, where you go on with your life normally as if nothing is going to happen and ever will. Usually it's because your change is farther out and you don't want to dwell on it so soon. Over time, the subject gets uncomfortable in conversation. Then panic sets in, more for some people and less for others. I know people who have some serious agoraphobia in this regard and second-guess themselves until someone shoves them on the plane. And of course everyone deals with it differently. Then, because you panicked and you told yourself you wouldn't, there's a feeling of isolation that follows, where you withdraw from friends and loved ones as the date gets closer and closer and try to position yourself so you can hit the ground running, gathering as much information about your new way of life as possible and spending little time on anything else. It crowds your thoughts. It's harder to concentrate on conversations. Finally when you're good and sick of staring at a computer screen for hours a day or you're just feeling ridiculous and lonely, there's an acceptance that sets in, and you tell yourself that you're as ready as you're gonna be and nothing's gonna stop you. I have finally reached this point today, I think.

I got the afternoon off work yesterday and then the next 2 days and I drove to my girl's little college town where I'm spending the morning currently. I think it has just set in that I'm leaving because she has the panicked look that characterizes what I was talking about earlier. It sucks that we're not at the same stage in this because there's definitely an excitement involved knowing I'm really going and maybe that excitement won't come for her since she's got to stay behind.

I drank a bottle of Trois Pistoles last night and made a mental list of things I should bring. Most of them were obvious but the one that stuck was microwave popcorn. I've thought about it before, but on second thought I really don't think they have Orville Redenbacher's in Qingdao and it's something I have a severe addiction to. It's not that I have to use it every day, but catching me in a bad mood is as simple as an empty pantry when I have the urge. Since I'd feel like an idiot stuffing a suitcase full of popcorn, maybe I'll try to take a couple bags with me and have a friend mail me the rest when I'm sure that's legal or possible or whatever.

This week will be interesting.